Hypothetical response to hypothetical comments about your ring

[DiamondHunter]

DH, I hope that your B2B has lovely friends who will simply say, "Oooooh!  That is sooo beautiful!", and then ask well-intentioned questions about the details.

I think I did a good job rooting out the 'superficial, hangers-on'...  Many of her  friends are guys..who seem to have the hots' for her. I weeded them out too...hehe. 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Oh, don't weed them all out!  I have a few good friends who are male and who have at some point or another declared undying love.  I love them too, but not in any way that makes me love DH any less and since he's the one for me, true friends recognise and celebrate that. Some of them have been there for him too, over the years.

It's always a good thing to have friends who love you and will be there in a tight spot, doesn't mean she thinks any less of you!

BTW, you mentioned that you've been bitten by the diamond bug. LOL! I was wondering how long it would take. I have a sneaking suspicion that you GF will (at various times in her life from now on) be the recipient of a fair few very lovely pieces of jewellery. Lucky lady!

Jen

[GIAGirl]

DH, I hope that your B2B has lovely friends who will simply say, "Oooooh!  That is sooo beautiful!", and then ask well-intentioned questions about the details.

I think I did a good job rooting out the 'superficial, hangers-on'...  Many of her  friends are guys..who seem to have the hots' for her. I weeded them out too...hehe. 

I don't think anyone will say anything mean about her ring either.  It is a super ring.  The chances of 99% of the population having anything that nice are slim.   I really think if anything people are going to be grabbing her hand because it will be unlike anything they have seen locally.  It is a really nice ring.   My boyfriend LOVES the cuts on those stones.  He approves big time of your choice. 

[Kati]

The ring is a Daussi cushion in a platinum split shank setting from DBL.  It's absolutely gorgeous.

This actually happened to a friend of ours though.  Her husband went to Tiffany's and bought her (yep, you guessed it, a round D/VVS1 in a platinum setting). It's a .25 ct, and it's lovely.  Anyway, one of her co-workers said "Oh, that's so small compared to mine." No joke.  Our friend responded by saying, "Well, I think it's perfect and it's from Tiffany's, and it was given to me by the love of my life."  She walked away.  Seriously, it's about the person you're giving it to and the life you two will have together.

[robin]

DH, I hope that your B2B has lovely friends who will simply say, "Oooooh!  That is sooo beautiful!", and then ask well-intentioned questions about the details.

I think I did a good job rooting out the 'superficial, hangers-on'...  Many of her  friends are guys..who seem to have the hots' for her. I weeded them out too...hehe. 

Oh, don't separate her from her male friends!  Some women--many women-- are perfectly capable of having platonic, heterosexual male friends, even if, yes, some of the men may hold torches for their female friends.

I had a very dear, platonic friend in grad school, and when he began dating his future wife, it was made pretty clear to me that he wouldn't be spending nearly as much time with me.  It broke my heart, not because I had designs on him (we wouldn't have been suitable for each other, as we both knew), but because he was my friend, and I missed spending time with him.

[Mikla]

DH, I would say in retort to any snide remarks, "Actually this is a fancy cut cushion from the Belgian company Henri Daussi Diamonds.  I just love it"!  Besides, someone making a comment like that doesn't know jack about diamonds or fancy cuts.  They just have the same thing that everyone else has, which to me is BORING.  Poor ignorant souls.   

Mikla

[Trinkette]

Kati makes an excellent point. Really, one could have a 4ct, D, IF RB from any number of world-reknowned stores/designers and someone would find something less than positive to say. Of course, these rotten commments really tell us much about the insecurities of the the snarky person, don't they?

I may have written about this somewhere before, I can't remember: Many, many years ago I accompanied my BF to a  restaurant for dinner with a group of  his new acquaintances, people he'd met through his friends at work. I was the only one there who didn't know most of the people in the group so I was pretty quiet most of the time. At one point, someone looked over to me and said, "Oh, what lovely pearls you are wearing." Before I could utter a response, a woman from across the table snapped, "Those aren't pearls, they're BEADS." And she gave me a snarky, superior smile. I was so shocked, I could think of nothing to say. There was stunned silence at the table. Eventually, conversation moved on; needless to say, I felt like a fish totally out of water. And, that was the point, wasn't it? I'd never met this woman before, I don't think we spoke at the table before that, and I never saw her again. Why she needed to humiliate me, I can only guess. For the longest time, I'd wished I'd had the quickness of wit to have responded with something equally snarky, like, "Oh, I'd NEVER wear my GOOD jewelry someplace like THIS," or "I save my good pieces for my friends." Anyway, now I'm glad that I said nothing. In the end, I would have felt worse knowing I'd stooped to her "skunky" level. After all, she wouldn't have changed her opinions about me regardless how I'd responded, and I would have looked and felt just as snotty as she did.

[Mrs Mitchell]

Reminds me of a dear '"friend" who once admired a ring of mine then commented that while it looks lovely on me, she couldn't pull off costume jewellery.

[jewellk]

I may have written about this somewhere before, I can't remember: Many, many years ago I accompanied my BF to a  restaurant for dinner with a group of  his new acquaintances, people he'd met through his friends at work. I was the only one there who didn't know most of the people in the group so I was pretty quiet most of the time. At one point, someone looked over to me and said, "Oh, what lovely pearls you are wearing." Before I could utter a response, a woman from across the table snapped, "Those aren't pearls, they're BEADS." And she gave me a snarky, superior smile. I was so shocked, I could think of nothing to say. There was stunned silence at the table. Eventually, conversation moved on; needless to say, I felt like a fish totally out of water. And, that was the point, wasn't it? I'd never met this woman before, I don't think we spoke at the table before that, and I never saw her again. Why she needed to humiliate me, I can only guess. For the longest time, I'd wished I'd had the quickness of wit to have responded with something equally snarky, like, "Oh, I'd NEVER wear my GOOD jewelry someplace like THIS," or "I save my good pieces for my friends." Anyway, now I'm glad that I said nothing. In the end, I would have felt worse knowing I'd stooped to her "skunky" level. After all, she wouldn't have changed her opinions about me regardless how I'd responded, and I would have looked and felt just as snotty as she did.

Holy cow T. What an awful woman. I gather by everyone's silence they also considered her, and her comment, terribly rude.

I've been the recipient of a few snide comments regarding my er. I usually just chalk it up to jealousy or just plain ugliness (or both). I have to admit though, I do like correcting ppl that mine is an asscher and not a princess cut.    dummies.

Yes, this thread is therapeutic

[DiamondHunter]

Ring choice often reflects the personality of the wearer...and this one is, for lack of a better descriptive, unconventionally classic (LOL, sounds like an oxymoron eh?  ).

Thanks for sharing your stories. I know some would rather not say a word in response BUT in my opinion to walk away feeling upset wishing you have said something (ANYTHING!) in reply..is really NOT something I would want. 

Responding does not necessarily mean you're stooping to their level. It means you're sharp enough to switch mode and respond in a language these skunks will understand. Believe me, a well executed witty repartee will teach these 'pissing skunks' to mind their tongue the next time or risk major embarassment. The rule of course is not to appear upset at the remarks but to respond cooly with a smile. Most importantly it has to be done within the first 3 seconds but you can buy a few more seconds by sipping on your drink...

But if you can't think of a witty response, use the bean dip as back up...

Or some variations of the back-handed compliment. E.g.
"Thanks for your opinion. I have no idea you're such a kind person."
"Hey, give me your number. Next time I need a partypooper, I'll give you a call."

Yeah, I'm a softie at heart but I do have a  barbed tongue... It's there when I need it.
Won't make apologies for it.     You really shouldn't worry too much about how others think of you. People will think what they want to think and say what they want to say.

   



 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Or just cry. Cry in a very elaborate, unmistakable way that draws huge amounts of attention. Loud, shuddering, gasping sobs. Really go to town, lay it on with a trowel.

Then, make sure everyone hears when you tell the kind person who asks what's upset you "I just got engaged and that lady over there told me my ring wasn't very nice. I loved it so much before, but now I just don't know what to d-do. I feel soooo bad.."


Everyone else will start head shaking and tutting at the miscreant and making the put down remark that you didn't think of in time.

ETA while I agree that responding to an insult doesn't mean you stoop to a lower level, I've yet to hear a put down in real life that, however witty or intelligent, didn't diminish the person making it as much as the original insult diminished the person who said that. That's why I like the bean dip approach.

[DiamondHunter]

Oh, don't separate her from her male friends!  Some women--many women-- are perfectly capable of having platonic, heterosexual male friends, even if, yes, some of the men may hold torches for their female friends.

I had a very dear, platonic friend in grad school, and when he began dating his future wife, it was made pretty clear to me that he wouldn't be spending nearly as much time with me.  It broke my heart, not because I had designs on him (we wouldn't have been suitable for each other, as we both knew), but because he was my friend, and I missed spending time with him.

(Off-topic) I know the feeling. In actual fact he wanted to stay close friends with you BUT could not do it as it would hurt his future wife's feelings. It is a fact that once you are in a LTR, you don't hang out with your platonic friends as much as you used to, at least not without your partner. Perhaps women are better at these platonic friendships than guys do. My GF used to tell me she's OK with my having platonic female friends but her actions say otherwise. She turned green when an ex colleague of mine text me. And when Mr Platonic Guy keeps asking a girl out on 'dates'... I can only see 'designs and letters' which don't spell 'platonic'. There's a reason why LTRs are termed 'exclusive'.  

[Mrs Mitchell]

Well, whatever works for the couple concerned, that's all that matters.

It can be ok, though. My husband's oldest, closest friend is female and I would hate for them to feel that should change because of me. They've been friends since college and if they had designs on each other would have had plenty of time to act on it (like, 30 years LOL). Plus, she's fun to hang out with and I'm lucky to have her as my friend too now. She's prettier, smarter and richer than me, and I still like her. See? I am a nice person!

Jen

[DiamondHunter]

Of course it can be ok esp. in ideal scenarios. If his female best friend goes out of the way to exclude his wife from activities she shares with him, I have a feeling she won't be feeling as magnanimous. But if it is truly platonic, friends would widen the circle and include a friend's spouse.

[Mrs Mitchell]

Yes, a wider circle is one of the nice things about marriage. I really enjoy spending time with a few of DH's friends and I like to think he enjoys time with mine. I have met people I'd never have met otherwise and I'm confident he would never have met some of the interesting people he has met if he wasn't with me. People who like diamonds a lot, for example. My obsession seems almost normal to him now.

Almost, but not quite!

Soooo - any further forward on the proposal plans?

Jen

[DiamondHunter]

The proposal plan has moved forward somewhat. Now that I know I need candles to showcase the ring, the plan would have to include candles! Perhaps a night out by the beach, under the stars, as in a camping trip. We can burn candles or start a small fire. Just chit chat, read poetry, etc. That was how we got together.    But she will definitely suspect I'm going to propose.     

[GIAGirl]

The proposal plan has moved forward somewhat. Now that I know I need candles to best showcase the ring, the plan would have to include candles! Perhaps a night out by the beach, under the stars, as in a camping trip. That was how we got together.    But she will definitely suspect I'm going to propose.   

I thought we had proposed.  How are you keeping this a secret?  Aren't you going crazy?

[DiamondHunter]

Nah. I haven't. The hand in those handshots is MINE.  LOL.

I am going bonkers but it won't show on my face. I am a keeper of secrets. You can trust me with the juiciest bit of gossip and no one will hear about it, at least not from me.

But if she starts digging around my computer, she might stumble on the ring pictures... 

[Diamondsbylauren]

ETA while I agree that responding to an insult doesn't mean you stoop to a lower level, I've yet to hear a put down in real life that, however witty or intelligent, didn't diminish the person making it as much as the original insult diminished the person who said that. That's why I like the bean dip approach.

So very true Jen.
I am a strong believer that speaking ill of others is a very serious offense. If you believe in Karma, or whatever.......I feel that when someone does go down the path speaking ill of others, there are consequences.
IN a way, that's kind of comforting.
It means that even if you are not sharp enough to come up with a witty retort, the person who made the offending comment will eventually pay the price.


On the other subject- platonic relationships and LTR's...
One of the "coolest" things about facebook seems to be reconnecting with old classmates.
I wonder how many couples fight about one or the other wanting to go to the inevitble reunion....... where the liklihood is there will be an ex boyfriend or girlfriend.....

[DiamondHunter]

Ever heard of 'instant Karma'?     Don't get mad, get even. LOL. Not everyone can be a saint.     

Yeah, Facebook is great at reuniting old classmates. As long as they don't start poking you... A class reunion is potentially a banana peel. The only reason I would want to attend one is to see which guy still has a full head of hair.

[jewellk]

ooh, I've been wanting to share this video!!

Yes, facebook has been good at helping me reconnect with very good friends that I've unfortunately lost touch with. But recently, I've been getting friend requests from the dreaded "Frenemy." The girl in high school that made my life miserable, etc....Someone shared this video with me and I about died laughing!!! It succinctly depicts how I feel about Facebook (I'm the guy answering the door.)

http://www.youtube.c.../watch?v=LrFdOz1Mj8Q

[Diamondsbylauren]

OMG- That is TOOO funny!!!!

[Trinkette]

 

[DiamondHunter]

It succinctly depicts how I feel about Facebook (I'm the guy answering the door.)

http://www.youtube.c.../watch?v=LrFdOz1Mj8Q

 
I can't agree with you more. It can get really annoying...

[Rubymu]

Or just cry. Cry in a very elaborate, unmistakable way that draws huge amounts of attention. Loud, shuddering, gasping sobs. Really go to town, lay it on with a trowel.

Then, make sure everyone hears when you tell the kind person who asks what's upset you "I just got engaged and that lady over there told me my ring wasn't very nice. I loved it so much before, but now I just don't know what to d-do. I feel soooo bad.."

Hahahaha!  Yes!!  Very funny.  Made my day.

This works as a response to the entirely inappropriate questions from strangers relating to the lack of children/wedding ring.   Feigning tears and a quivering bottom lip shut them up pretty fast.

But in all seriousness, there will always be someone who takes pleasure in tearing other people down.  I reckon they can't be very happy people and I generally feel a bit sad for them.